just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
