I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
third nipple confirmed
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
