I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
