I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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