I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
did i just pee glitter
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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