Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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