Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
