I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You work out of a Hotel?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's no shave November. This is our time.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
