I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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