Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I look better un-naked...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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