Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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