between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
