we have officially lost it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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