That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
