Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
