he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
