my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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