I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
