It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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