I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
