nut hugger
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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