I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
