i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
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