I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
