he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
