JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
