I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
