The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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