You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
