dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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