Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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