What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
