i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
