I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have fence marks all over my body
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
