I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize