Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
