You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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