Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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