This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
