PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize