it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
