Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
