Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm too high and old for this...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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