I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
