Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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