Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
