He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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