Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
