I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
