I wanna bring you to show and tell
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
