You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
