drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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