i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
