Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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