I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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