C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize