Got a toothbrush?
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
