Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
