I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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