his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
