apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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