3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
