if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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