I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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