Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Houston, we have a blender
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
