based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize