Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
