listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
