it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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