Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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