NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
