Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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