I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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