Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
