he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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